Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs: An assorted filling of my life as an Eclair

bun in the oven

It's been too long again. This time I have the best excuse ever though...or reason is actually more appropriate. I found out that Crystal and I are having a baby. At first I was completely shocked and over-whelmed with the news. Do you remember the movie "She's Having a Baby" and when Jake Briggs finds out his wife stopped taking the pill? The scene in the movie was the scene in my head, exactly. Not kind of, it was that exactly. That movie burned way too many images in my head over the years. In fact, I went to the bargain bin at Blockbuster and bought it 2 weeks ago for $3.99. They don't even have a copy to rent in the store any longer. Fools! It was so much better than most of the crap they carry in there. I'd take SHAB over that Beyonce movie "Obsessed" anyday. We watched that last Friday and I couldn't keep my eyes from rolling in the back of my head. it was like a slot machine in there.

Anyway, the more I focused on the thought of being a Dad, my selfishness dissipated and excitement grew. In February there will be a little extension of me running around! Cheese balls! I can't promise that I'll be writing here that often in the next several months. We've started a new blog Two and One Equals Three and I'm sure most of the writing will happen there. Check back often though, you never know.... 

7.17.09

It seems like a day as any day today, except that I feel like I have parts of the Rockies in my shoulders and cheeseball stuck with toothpicks in my head. If I could, I would erase about 1/3 of the things I've said in my lifetime and say I'm sorry a little more than I have. -or at least mean it.

I need a Wendy's Frosty, or better yet, a TCBY frozen yogurt. -swirl please in a waffle cone.

I'm just so tired. Not physically or even mentally really, just emotionally. People can be exhausting even if you're not "seeing" them.

I have an idea for a script .

or at least I have a title. I owe Andrew for 50% off this title too.

Lesbian Locksmith's of Deep Ellum: Keyless Entry

 

 

Things I don't like or have any need for:

Dreadlocks

Eggplant

Most Meat Products in Ethnic Grocery Stores

Baseball Caps

Straws (unless the drink is in a cup with a lid)

Typewriter's (however, I have to use one in my office on occasion and I guarantee they will remain to be hipsterish for at least another 8 years)

Guys that still wear earrings

Women that wear oddly deformed bra's that make their boobs look like they are embossed.

Most songs that start in Amin

Gossip Magazines

Gift Cards with balances under $5

Not being able to find Niagara, Niagara on Netflix.com

Exhaust

-oh, i'm sure i'll be adding to this list. no worries.

what's going on?

Currently and most certainly right now, I'm drinking a Boulevard Pale Ale and waiting for the washing cycle to end at my apartments' laundromat. However, earlier tonight (about 15 minutes ago to be exact-or close to exact) I was at my favorite liquor store buying a 6pk of another favorite beer, Bavaria. The story there was....I went inside to purchase my 6pk of bottled goodness when oh no! oh jesus! the bottom fell out and all of those pretty green bottles fell to the ground. I  think I even said "Oh no! Oh Jesus" when it happened. The lovely people there laughed it off as I turned beet red and looked for another 6-er. Unfortunately, they were out and I would have to reconsider my libations. Since my beer palette is more than mediocre, I quickly opened door number 3 and grabbed the Boulevard instead. Whew...that was a close one!

Dear friends, I have not written here for so long because of a large goiter that has been apparently growing for the last 34 years. I should have paid more attention to NPR when they said that new and fancy salts are creating goiters since there's no iodine in them like there is in normal table salt! I would be lying if I truly meant what I just typed so I will say the truth instead right now. (although the table salt thing is true so beware!!!) You see, I've fallen in love with a lovely lady. We've known each other for many years, through many tears and unfortunate relationships all that had to happen to bring us where were at the exact moment that we met. The very short version is here:

Kickball, Mitzi came and invited us kickballers to Gloria's for Gigi's birthday and we went, I found Crystal there and was smitten as a kitten on nip, came home and posted this on her facebook page. The rest is history.

We are collecting fancy ships if you happen to stumble upon any that you think we deserve. Here's a picture of our first $2 purchase.

 

We've scooted and fed the geese and scooted and went to Diorama-rama, and then scooted some more to the Dubliner and White Rock, we went to the mall and I got my first Teddy Bear (which is a wee-bit creepy and says "Good Morning Josh, I love you") and another favorite for me is teaching her boss' 3 year old cutie Elliot how to play the trombone. You see, how could I have time to write with so much going on? I would also like to add that after the Diorama-rama (with Alberto and his lovely Emily in tote) we went to this drive-in daiquiri place that was awesome! And my dear and sweet friend Ariane invited us to the Rangers' game where we scored 4 home runs and kicked some major baseball ass.

As I take 5 to look around in my unenthusiastic apartment, I find myself surrounded by all of these great memories of our short time together. I don't know what tomorrow brings (which is totally bullshit, we're going to Jackye and Sebastian's for dinner) but I know that everything I've ever wanted in a partner was there that day after the game and that "this will be our year, took along time to come."

"I want to thank you for the days"

Since Saturday around 3:30 pm, my life has changed dramatically. It all started with Mitzi, who would unknowingly bring two people together that needed to meet once again, after years of just missing each other. For me, I imagine it being like the scene from a cheesy love story. The guy gets off the bus as the gal gets on the bus...you get the idea.

For my memories' sake I'm gonna write a few events here:

Sunday-Garden Cafe, Dubliner, White Rock, Soba

Monday- Sandwich and Cookie

Tuesday- Laundry, Records, Collage

Wednesday- White Rock geese, Meridian, Gigi

The Almost Fabulous Story of Agatha and Amora pt.3

The audience roared when the curtains opened and the characters took the stage. Mary was lying in a king-size bed placed stage right. Tabatha was at the foot of the bed, squeezing a sponge in a bowl of steaming water. The water was being kept warm with small pieces of Pinon wood. (pinon wood smells wonderful, but it makes no sense that they would have it in Ardersier, Scotland nor does it make sense to burn it indoors. it smokes like crazy and supposedly keeps mosquitoes away.) Isabella, the nurse, stood to Mary's right along with Lady Antoinette, Mary's grandmother.

The audience couldn't tell if Mary was sick or if she was going to have a baby in this scene. As it turns out, the latter is true. Oddly, however, Mary had never been intimate with a man before. Sure, she shared tea and crumpets in the garden with Peter once. But she was never interested in relationships, she just wasn't the relationship type. Anyway, Mary is about to be the 2nd Mary in history to have a virginal conception.

as of  May 14, 2009 the writer has deemed it necessary to kill the story with a quick ending. It is time for new stories and adventures. Sorry for the sucky ending; it's almost like a really bad punchline but worse.

Mary gave birth to two cats, Agatha and Amora. They were fat, fluffy cats that eventually would go on to do the most marvelous things. Agatha taught mice how to read and dismantle "snap" traps. Amora would find that she had a beautiful voice and go on to become the world's favorite opera singer.

THE END

told you so

 

rumours vs rumors, either way you just can't win

I guess it's time for me to settle down, find a nice lady, get married and lock myself up inside our dream house. Apparently, single me provides certain people with gossip (had I known I was this important I would have invested in myself instead of General Motors) and God know's what said behind closed doors. If only I could turn myself into a fly and listen in...oh yes, that would be great! I'm sure hearing the talk would border around narcissism and believe me, you would not be helping anything by talking about me. This all stems from a recent text that reads verbatim... (thanks for sharing!)

"Ooooooh, FYI heard you have a bad reputationnnn around towwwnnn, girls talk, uhmmmmm!! Tsk Tsk! Naughty!"

I really appreciate the attention and more so, the text informing me that I'm getting it. However, most nights I'm sitting at home, staring at the TV watching Law & Order reruns (which are all new to me as I never watched the show before now) and waiting for the end of the world. Not metaphorically speaking either. If I'm not doing that, I'm sketching up photography ideas on napkins with various stains on them or writing songs for MN, who I'm still thinking about constantly. Anyway, I would like the women out there that don't know me to have a chance to know me without your nasty-flibber-flabber, but if our fair city is so boring that the best thing you can do with your time is to waste it on little old me, maybe you should move. I know that this sounds cruel and unlike me, but Jesus H,  I'm 35 years old and honest to a fault. And time is not on either of our sides.

 

I think it's a good time to listen to Freedy Johnston's Bad Reputation.

By the way, I never invested in GM. I do, however, strongly recommend to my dearest friends to look into stock symbol BYDDY.

Testing, 1, 2, 3. Is this thing on?

I've had an idea for awhile to do a series titled: ColorSplash. I'm not quite there yet, but this is the general idea. Anyone have an opinion?

Sgt. Phleppers Lonely Hearts Club, Man

I've created a beautiful monster called: Sgt. Phleppers Lonely  Hearts Club, Man. I cannot tell you anymore about this. It's a secret.

 

I'm going to try to finish up the story on Agatha and Amora today/tonight/tomorrow or soon, basically. I lost most of my motivation and inspiration to finish the story since it's somewhat based on people/animals that I know, but haven't had the pleasure of seeing. Even in bitterness, I somehow manage to come off as sweet. La-dee-dah.